Shower gyaan

I was in my shower post my evening workout thinking about life and lessons because clearly that is the only time we are ever free and constantly winning imaginary arguments. And guess what? I had unknowingly achieved something. After 2 years of constant self-motivation, counselling from friends and gyaan from the movies and novels, one fine day, it vanished. Naturally, like every other blogger, I thought I could write a post relating to this.

So I got into my sexy pyjamas and jumped on the bed to jot down. However, I look at my blog page and I’m shocked. It has been almost two whole months since I posted anything. My friends urged me to write now and then but I shooed their thoughts away thinking I will do it the next day. And the next day. And so on. So here I’m, approximately 48 days later, wanting to write something. If there is something I value now, that is definitely time. Where did it go? Maybe I was contemplating my thoughts on life, the people around us and how energy affects us all. Nah bro, I was just kidding. I was busy eating mangoes. Because food, baby! Always the first priority.

Anyway, back to my shower thoughts. So I had been dealing with a lot of negativity since I can remember. I still cannot pick on a certain issue but, maybe it was the incidents happening around me or the people I met or it could be just my stupid illusion. It still affected me in a big way. And in a bad way. It took me relentless hard work and dedication to lose all the baby weight by the end of 2014. Unfortunately, by the early of 2016, I gained all of it. Because? Stress! At the mid of 2016, all that revolved around my mind was WTF was happening to me.

I’m not getting into the sad and gory details of that phase. Not because it’s private but, I’m lazy now. Like someone-breathe-for-me lazy.

Come to think of it, the speed at which my over thinking brain was analysing things was just crazyyy. I really wish I listened to my friend when she said: “let go”. And she reminded me of it every single day. Let go of the worries. Let go of certain people. Let go of everything negative. Seriously, how did she survive repeating that to me for the last 365 days? I would have given up on the fourth day. Okay, not so soon but still! She is a boon to me.

So here I’m, with my waist size bigger and my hair thinner than ever, telling all of you the secret to my rather happy post. Yoga! I’m not here to propagate the principles of it and I certainly do not wish to get into the details. However, trying is never a bad thing. So go ahead and invest an hour into yoga. Screw the gym, ditch the weights and go on the mat. It will do wonders. Maybe not physically but, definitely mentally.

I’m more aware of myself and I learned a lot. Number one: you can be mindful. Number two: my body is super flexible. I could do wavy things with my tummy and twist my body to the point I do not recognise myself. Imagine that. How cool!

Whatsoever it did to me, it worked. Firstly, my mind is much clearer so I don’t have my brain speeding at 260km/hr. Secondly, I feel lighter and happier. I’m starting to move away from the negativity. I don’t stress excessively like I used to. And by the way, I’m still one size bigger but definitely better in my mind and heart. Weight will come and go. It is the heart and mind that needs constant effort. Focus on that. 

I urge you all out there to try yoga. Get to know your inner self ’cause that is pretty badass! And finally, spend time with people that bring out the best in you, not the stress in you. Okay?

Dear Self

Dear self,

I know there are days when you feel directionless

I know you have thoughts about quitting yourself

I know you have nights of discomfort and utter silence

But

I also know there are days when you feel like sunshine

I know your eyes instantly light up watching your little brother smile

I know the beaming smile when you smell coffee

I know the sense of pride you own when you hit the five-mile mark

But why am I pining for more? What is this “more”?

Let me remind you, what you are going through is life. It tries knocking you down every day because it senses your strength. But, It treats you with small moments of happiness. Fear not, you are normal. You are just like every other being who craves to see the soul in everything.

I admit you have your flaws and imperfections. I know how you like things to move your way at times. I know the temper you possess. You love too much, care too much, give too much. There are days you try so hard and then again, there are those times you give up easily. But I’m here to tell you, you do not have to change anytime soon. Your good qualities balance it all and that makes you one hell of a strong person. You wake up every day to fight your inner demon but, you also live through it.

My dear self, you aren’t sad, you are just human. Let your light in and watch it do wonders to you. Give yourself a chance. Practice the act of standing up for yourself and being firm in your beliefs. There will be people who do not understand your journey and that’s OKAY.

All that hurt you have in you? Make art with it.

Write. Bake. Groove. Live.

After all, that is what life really needs: spreading your light in times of darkness.

 

The essential post.

Made new friends: check

Career problems: check

Vacations: one

Proposals: none

Pounds lost: minus one

Lessons learned: 46795

 “At the end of the day, life’s about realising one’s potential. I don’t know if I have realised mine, but I’ve certainly gone a long way towards realising some goals and some dreams”

                                                                                                                                         – Linton Kwesi Johnson

So here I’m, from failing to stand up for myself to being unfuckwithable! It is okay to be kind and compassionate and accommodating but it’s a whole other thing to be soft, yielding and fierce. Life is messy. It can be pretty overwhelming to fear of being perceived as imperfect. Give yourself the room to experiment, screw up and learn the hard way. Speaking of screwing up, I’m a pretty anxious person so I prefer having a lot of outlets. I hit the gym when I’m frazzled and cook when I’m sluggish. I write for venting out emotions. I know it sounds stupid, but it is my way of dealing with anxiety. I have a lot of worries (almost all the time unnecessary ones) and although I’m known to be a talkative person, I do not express much in my life. I’m at my best when doing something time constructive. Exercising releases all the endorphins in my body so I end up cheery and joyful. Cooking teaches me patience (one minute to make the cake batter, but 45 staring-at-the-clock minutes to bake it). And writing, well, this is a special one! It feels happy when people connect to one’s thoughts. It makes me feel like we are not alone in this world. All the people I’ve met this year either turned out to be a blessing or a lesson. And I’ve come to realise that there are those special ones who want nothing but the best for you.

Become aware of this: Life’s all about experiences and lessons. You are responsible for your success and failure. The sooner you realise and accept that, the better. As long as you blame others for the reason you aren’t where you want to be, you will always be a failure. Life is about the choices you make. Nobody owes you anything. Some incidents occur repeatedly in life until we learn from it. If someone compliments you, don’t shrug it off trying to make it look like modesty; embrace it, say thank you and move on. Don’t indulge in notions that make you feel mediocre. Life can be unfair just as it is fair! For the millennials that we are, it is important to realise that life is much more the virtual world. I know it is not easy to live without tech savvy items, but push yourselves away from your phone/tab/laptop at least for an hour before hitting the bed. And it is understandable to juggle between ‘live your life and eat the damn dessert’ and ‘you are an adult, be sensible and workout’, but appreciate your body’s worth. Too much of anything is unhealthy. Extremes are easy, strive for balance. Life is all about balance. Be kind, but don’t let people abuse you. Trust, but don’t be deceived. Be content, but don’t stop improving yourself!

An excellent year’s progress, if I may say. Even though I’m just 24 and I suck at driving!

What was your year like?