What would you call it; happiness or perfection?

Why is everybody driven towards “being perfect”? Is that the only route to happiness? Could it be the over increasing power given to technology? Every day we wake up checking our phone, we go to the loo with our phone and we sleep after we stalk every inch of all the social networking websites. We are constantly forced to update ourselves: Exercise more, dress like that, read all the possible news in this world, have an opinion on everything, be strong, don’t show weakness, strive for that perfect flawless body and skin. I’m so tired of hearing these things. I’m so tired of people making resolutions. I’m so tired of pretending like I-know-it-all. Has the definition of happiness changed today? I would say YES. I recently stumbled upon a post on Instagram and I was startled reading this.

 

The world is increasingly designed to depress us. Happiness isn’t very good for the economy. If we were happy with what we had, why would we need more? How do you sell an anti-ageing moisturizer? You make someone worry about ageing. How do you get people to vote for a political party? You make them worry about immigration. How do you get them to buy insurance? By making them worry about everything. How do you get them to have plastic surgery? By highlighting their physical flaws. How do you get them to watch a TV show? By making them worry about missing out. How do you get them to buy a new smartphone? By making them feel they are left behind.

To be calm becomes a kind of a revolutionary act. To be happy with your own non-upgraded existence. To be comfortable with our money, human selves, would not be good for business.”                

                     –Matt Haig, Author of “Reasons to Stay Alive”

 

You cannot recognize the surrounding substance till you take a step back and see it from another perspective. When you are born into it, it is hard to distinguish the mental chains. We, humans, are an arrogant species governed by greed. We have taken our planet and placed it on the road to destruction. The technological world has surpassed the human psychology by ten times fold and we are desperately trying to reach within those limits. I don’t understand this: What is so wrong about being sad when life hits you hard? What is so wrong in being satisfied with just what you have? Sometimes happiness is staying in bed all day and sometimes it is about enjoying our morning cup of coffee and practicing yoga. Sometimes it is about munching on peanut butter jelly sandwiches in the midnight. The road to your happiness does not depend on what the world wants you to be; it is who you want to be.

We live in a society that puts maintenance first. We are taught to maintain that perfect body and maintain calm and unaffected by sadness, we are taught to maintain perfection aka happiness throughout our life. Is that the only emotion ruling us now? And even if it is, isn’t it being portrayed in the wrong way? I have personally met people who are affected by the society and its norms and let me tell you this: the mind gets easily webbed into lies of perfection. Look at the people walking outside. Look at them. There. Outside the window. Why can’t you be like them? Maybe I would be happy if I had her looks, I wish I had money to buy those expensive footwears and cars, maybe I would have been happy if I was like him. It’s the maybes’ that will pollute you. Constant comparisons and unremitting struggles: that’s what the so-called happiness has led to. There is a very fine line between perfection and happiness.

Tao Porchon-Lynch, the oldest yogi in this world(98 years old) was asked, ‘what advice would you give to your younger self?’. She said, ‘I wish I knew the power of everything was within me. If you feel the life within you, nothing is impossible. It is within every planet, every blade of grass. Whatever you put in your mind materialises, so materialise what you believe in life’.

Please remind yourself: happiness comes from within. It comes from silly thoughts of your crushes and late night couch dinners. It comes from Sunday brunches and finding extra money in your pocket. More often, it comes from seeing your loved ones happy. Feel the sun on your cheeks and the rain on your skin. Eat amazing food. Drink more water. Travel if you can. Enjoy solitude. Meditate(if you haven’t, you should). Stop chasing happiness, perfection, or whatever you call it. Being happy does not mean everything is perfect.It means looking beyond the perfections. No one is perfect, my dear.Remember:

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Thought of the week

Have you ever wondered how these motivational posts pop right up in your instagram account and they describe just how you are feeling at that moment? It boggles me how apt those posts relate to me. It is a mind reader. Really. I follow my instagram account religiously and I’m shamefacedly admitting that I cannot live without it (well, at least as of now).  It somehow motivates me in my horrible I-don’t-want-to-get-out-of-bed days. Having said that, I think it is okay to feel sad. And you know that moment right before you feel sad? You try to sidetrack your mind by checking your phone and texting all your friends “hi” in a row or you watch your favourite movie or dig on ice-cream tubs till you feel immobile? Right at that moment, you feel you are okay, you feel alright, but uh oh, here it comes! It erupts like a volcano inside your cracked sealed heart and gushes over your mind leaving you breathless. Let that sadness consume your soul, let it seep through the deepest veins and engulf you with burning flames. Introduce your soul to sadness and let it know what it feels like. Feeling sad is one of the greatest pleasures of life. You should give a damn and cry, but only about things that set your soul on fire. Quit hiding the magic that sadness can create. Cry out and get stronger, bolder and happier. And it is in those moments you learn about yourself and realise that you should love yourself more. Be the love you never received. Loving yourself is the greatest boon you can give yourself. Don’t give up on yourself even though you want to. The universe always falls in love with a stubborn heart. Find peace in knowing that your love is enough to conquer this world. Sometimes you don’t need saving, you need to recognize your power.  When you recognize your power, your spiritual side gets in tune with vibes, frequency and energy. And when you get in tune, you recognize your own INNER “G” aka gut feeling!

 

Bell Hooks said, ‘Sometimes people will try to destroy you, precisely because they recognize your power – not because they don’t see it, but because they see it and they don’t want it to exist.’

Don’t allow the success or failure of your goals to determine your happiness. You cannot base your joy on whether something works or not. Happiness comes from within, or it will be frail or flimsy. While we are on this subject of loving yourself, let me tell you what all I have learned from such incidents. I remind myself every so often. Speak out loud when you read this. The louder I told this to myself, the stronger it hit me.

  • I will listen to my intuition more often.
  • I will not say yes when I really want to say no.
  • I won’t accept responsibility for other people’s problems.
  • I will be less moved by the opinions of others.
  • I will put myself first more often.
  • If it doesn’t feed my soul, I will let it go.
  • I will not give people the benefit of the doubt when their character is unclear or not known to me.
  • I will rid myself of all self-limiting beliefs.
  • I will implement/maintain no or low contact with anything negative.

Trust me, this works. Every. Single. Time.

A bit of that and this…

You know how it is to be a socially awkward person and show up at social gatherings? Conversations ending in awkward silences, getting all wooden when people look you in the eye for eternity and trying to put up a sexy yet subtle, welcoming smile when in fact you could be looking like a gremlin drunk on wine! Or you forcefully manage to stuff your mouth when people approach towards you only to realize the food is hot and you start breathing like a retarded dragon! Fortunately, I’m at this stage where I have successfully (at least I think so) managed to bear the ‘small talk’. Thanks to my friends and family for moving away from the city at the same time. I had no other option but to socialize. Now I don’t mean to sound like I was pressurized by all of it but it wasn’t easy either. It took me a lot of patience to listen to the chatter and banter (no offence to my dear ones) but I’m glad I did. Who knew I was a good listener! I guess I’m sometimes a social butterfly, sometimes a snuggly potato on the couch.

I love taking personality tests and I’ve found myself wondering, “This question really depends on the situation”.  Even though I self-proclaimed myself as an introvert, I couldn’t tick all the boxes and it bothered me that I couldn’t categorize myself. A tip for all those out there like me: do not confuse yourself trying to pin down into the introvert, extrovert classification. We really, really can’t decide. It’s too complicated. But thankfully for the internet, I’ve stumbled upon the third category called ‘ambivert’. No, I’m not talking about an animal, it’s a personality type.

From all the articles I read and the experiences I had, here’s how I can simply define one: some people think you are quiet, while others think you are highly social. When it comes to parties or solitude time, too much is boring for you. You need a bit of that and this. Small talks do not make you uncomfortable but they certainly make you jaded. We typically slide up and down the energy graph when it comes to interactions depending upon the situation, place, and people. Trusting people can be skeptical but sometimes you tend to dive in. Personally, I’m on the journey to improve my people skills. Sometimes even the best conversation starters fail but fear not, I have sort of figured out the reasons.

  • Small talks – Talking about the weather or anything disinteresting (according to us) in the first conversation is a big NO-NO. We may politely continue listening but it will bore us.
  • We have two sides to almost every situation and our feedback on it depends on whom we are surrounded by.
  • We struggle with informal greetings from strangers. I’m talking about the “yo-yos” and the “sups” (with a smirk on their face). A decent “hi” would be nice, though, just saying.
  • Connection is everything. We are selectively social people. We may have an abundance or lack of social energy depending on who we speak to.
  • Energy – the ultimate deal breaker! A person’s energy can tell us a lot more about them than their words. If your vibe is good, I’m good.

Once we find someone worth our time, there is no letting go (okay, I sound creepy now). But really, in this generation, it is hard to find people you connect with. There are times when politeness gets misunderstood as flirting. In such a case, you can slowly walk away. We live in an era that is highly skilled at allowing connections to fade away. Because of social media and cell phones, we think we are replaceable, and that’s silly. One important thing that I stress on is ‘energy’. You cannot replace the energy of someone who is genuine. Appreciate them, cherish them, those people are gold. Energy doesn’t lie. Trust it. Don’t tolerate people who drain your energy. You never know who needs you. Good energy is contagious.

If you find yourself equally energized by quiet time and interaction, then you may be an ambivert. Are you one of them?